oscar monday

This is going to come as a real shock to those of us living in or around jersey but school was cancelled for me today. On the one hand, I’m over it. The cold, the snow, the getting nothing worthwhile done because I’m not in class long enough. On the other hand, thank god I didn’t have work today because I had a full plate what with the post-oscar tv shows, the dress analyzing, and of course the DVR’d re-watching of all my favorite moments. Here’s some of my favorite moments, and strongest opinions.

Bradley Cooper. I’m not sure why Ellen was hell-bent on refusing to let you touch her phone to take the selfie but it goes down as one of my top favorite moments of the Oscars. You’ve offered to take the selfie no less than five times in 20 seconds. First Ellen says no she has to do it. You ask another two times and Ellen rejects you again then turns and offers Meryl that job. Finally, someone else (J Law, maybe?) suggests you do it and only because you practically rip the phone out of her hand are you finally allowed. [honorable mentions go to the brother of Lupita Nyong’o for shoving Angelina Jolie out of the way, and colliding with Brad Pitt, to get in the front row of this picture and to Angelina herself who seems to have forgotten waving in a selfie will only result in a blur.] Watch the hysterical video here

Anne Hathaway. I tried. & by tried I mean really really tried. I’ve been told many times that I look like you, Anne. When I get offended (and I always do) people have attempted to cover themselves by saying that it’s the mannerism’s, something about the way our mouths move when we talk. So I have really tried with you. But now I’m done. I used to LOVE YOU, Anne. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Isn’t fun the best thing to have?

Kate Hudson. I became emotionally overwhelmed by your dress for Oscar night. I could actually cry right now recalling it. Kate Hudson

Ellen. There are so many things I could have as my favorite moments involving you and the Oscars this year. It could be the amazing way you rocked a tuxedo, or the reference to Jonah Hill’s penis early on in the night. But I could not stop laughing at your reaction to the mispronunciation of Kristen Bell’s (or Kristen B. Ell’s) name. I must have rewound it and rewatched it 5 times. Your reaction to your own mistake was priceless. I only wish the Oscar gods decided to love this moment as much as I did so the gif could be available. I can’t find it anywhere. 

Brad Pitt. You legit walked around the Dolby Theatre in a tuxedo and passed out paper plates for pizza. This is the only thing that could have possibly trumped Ellen ordering pizza at the Oscars in the first place. Well done, sir. Brad Pizza


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